I’ve been pondering on where self-worth comes from and how we get it. Originally, we develop our self-worth as a child from either the messages we receive from our parents such as: “you are important to us, you matter to us, we have confidence in you” or by their actions: a smile, a look of admiration, a gentle touch of affection, a special attention to our needs for help or attention. All of this fosters a secure and positive sense of attachment. On the other hand, regular criticism, (“why can’t you be like your brother, what’s wrong with you”), a label of some kind of disorder, broken promises, a look of disgust, disappointment may create a lack of security about our own acceptability, desirability and therefore worth as a person.
Similarly, as adults, we also get our self-worth from relationships however, this time, it’s not from what we get from others, but more from what we give to others.
As adults, what matters the most, is what we tell ourselves and what we believe about ourselves.
The degree to which we are able to receive any positive loving messages from others as adults is based on our ability to receive these from ourselves.
If you are someone who sometimes wonders why your spouse married you or why they love you, no amount of them telling you they love u will actually reassure you. That reassurance needs to come from yourself. You need to believe that you are worthy of his/her love. But how?
Self-worth, how to increase it?
WE can start by not harming others in words or actions, being loyal, refraining from gossiping, judging, stealing or telling lies. Having pure, positive and kind thoughts, being forgiving and respectful. It is said that actions speak louder than words. However, intentions speak louder than actions.
If we perform a good deed or a compassionate act yet our mind is filled with envy, criticism, resentment or jealousy or if we are doing things conditionally so others can think we are great, approve of us then the action has very little value. These actions will ultimately leave us feeling depleted rather than rejuvenated because it’s the intention behind the action that impact us and others.
We may be able to fool others, but we can’t fool our conscience or our unconscious mind… it will give us that gut feeling to know we are being incongruent with our messaging. Intentions therefore must be pure, unconditional and selfless, without expectations. Let’s face it, the world is a messy place and people feel terrible about themselves too much of the time. We are born to be good,
In a recent documentary entitled: “Babies: born to be good”, David Suzuki shows us how children as early as nine months old seem able to make moral choices that were never thought possible.
Here are two suggestions to help us reclaim our self worth as adults.
First, we need to take an honest look at our intentions and behave in ways that’s in line with our conscience so that we may feel good about ourselves. Secondly, we need to cultivate some kind of meditation practice, because in this silence and stillness we get to experience peace and calmness. Peace, is the first sign that we are in contact with our soul. WE also need to work with our unconscious mind in order to release neg emotions and limiting beliefs about ourselves so we can increase our self confidence and self worth.
I invite you to make a list of your limiting beliefs, and then write out, what you want to believe instead. Focus only on what you want for yourself!
To your health, Happiness & Success!